i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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