It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
