dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The adults are the big ones right?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
