dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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