Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
