He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
