Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
