there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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