Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
