Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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