i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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