now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
