just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
