Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
