Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
