party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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