Your face is a jimmy john
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm like, not good at living.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
