Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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