I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
