We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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