Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
