I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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