What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
