There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
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I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize