I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
