I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
