Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
