The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
