i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
