i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
