Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
