ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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