my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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