My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize