Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
