Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
