You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
