WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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