It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
