I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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