she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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