Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
