is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
