I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
