The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
