Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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