I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize