do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
