There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
