Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
