Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize