I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize