my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
