My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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