it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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