I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
