You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
