new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
