$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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