When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
