What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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