you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
