You're so nebulous sometimes
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
