i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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