They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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