I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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