as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
