Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
