it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
