We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
